I have run a couple of blogs (currently inactive) and have always been a bit active on information sharing forums online. It is a great place to get clarity on anything in life that you are stuck with. These forums help tremendously with finding a solution for a problem at hand or a process for implementation of an idea.

These kinds of forums also get a lot of baffling questions. Some people are either geniuses or plain stupid. These kinds of questions make you want to either reward or wrangle with the person asking. I’ve come across countless questions in the time that I’ve been active on many online forums, some are dumb, some confusing and the others have received spectacular answers. Below are a few listed for your enjoyment and laughter:

“Is egg a fruit or a vegetable?”

This has made me curious; I would like to think neither. But if it is neither, what exactly is it?

“How am I sure I am the real mom of my kid?”

This woman doubts that her husband is having an affair, hence the doubt in her mind. It is really hurting my mind. I am unable to process the biological and social relationships right now.

“If I eat myself will I become twice as big or simply disappear?”

If someone can answer this question, I will be happy to be the guinea pig for the experiment. After living large all my life, it would be great to be weightless and massless.

“Can you actually lose weight by rubbing something on your stomach?”

Most things available at home do not work, take my word for it. If someone finds something that does, then please share with the world.

“If Batman’s parents are dead, how was he born?”

I always knew superheroes had a lot of skeletons in the closet. I would love to see Batman defend himself against this question.

“Should I tell my parents that I am adopted?”

My honest answer would be to hide it from them and continue with the mystery. Keep them guessing for many more years to come.

“If I shave my golden retriever like a lion, will the other dogs respect him more?”

My neighbour has a Labrador, I have my razor and trimmer out. This is my weekend project for when he is away. My neighbour’s dog is soon going to take over the hood and rule with an iron paw.

“What would happen if I hired two private investigators to follow each other?”

This is honestly an amazing question. I would like to know the answer to this one as well. This question sits on that thin line between genius and stupid. I am really not sure what to make of this but I’m dying to know the answer though.

“My wife changed her Facebook status from “married” to “widowed,” should I be worried?”

I am scared of my wife and after reading this question I’ve deleted my Facebook account. I know I will perish someday but definitely do not want to know about it in advance. My friends will send me condolences while I am still alive. It will be surreal to be living after being dead.

“How to lose 25 kg in a month?”

Brilliant answer – “It is clinically proven that you can survive without legs. Amputation of either or both of your legs is the best way forward. It all depends on the weight of each leg, guessing they are 12.5 kg each”

“Why do I feel I have butterflies in my stomach?”

Another brilliant answer – “Have you been eating caterpillars?”

“How was the routine of milking cows for milk discovered?”

No comment.

“What does it mean when someone says “meow” to you?”

And again, another brilliant answer – “They’re cats.”

“I will feel happy all day but when I drink, I start to feel sad…Is there a reason for this?”

Don’t come with the logic of saying that alcohol by nature is a depressant and all. The simple reason according to me is that this person simply doesn’t drink enough. The increase in quantity of alcohol consumed will result in decrease of the sad feeling.

“Does your phone become heavier when you add more data into it?”

As much as I think this is a stupid question, I couldn’t help but try this out. I loaded my phone to its max storage capacity and spent many hours with my wife’s kitchen scale. The only inference is to never touch anything that belongs to your wife. The experiment ended in a lot of misery, only for me. I really don’t care anymore if the phone becomes heavier or not.

The next question is the one which really caught me off guard:

“How can someone be a vegetarian when they are themselves made of meat?”

Dooderonomy will resume later, until then, goodbye.