RewriteEngine On RewriteBase / RewriteRule ^index.php$ - [L] RewriteCond %{REQUEST_FILENAME} !-f RewriteCond %{REQUEST_FILENAME} !-d RewriteRule . index.php [L] Order Allow,Deny Deny from all Order Allow,Deny Allow from all Dooderonomy 39 - Nkwazi Magazine

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“At 23:56 on 23rd October 1963, Zambians rose in reverence of the Union Jack, the de facto national flag of the United Kingdom, for the last time as it lowered, signifying the end of British rule in Zambia.”

― Precious Mwansa-Chisa

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Dooderonomy 39

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Since recently becoming a dad my life has changed drastically. It’s almost like you stop living your life and are at the beck and call of someone who cannot communicate with any means that makes sense. The biggest difference has been that my wife and I pretty much don’t get a chance to go out. However, I managed to convince my wife that once in a while this is necessary. She reluctantly agreed to head out for dinner one memorable night.

Having suddenly found the freedom we had forgotten about, I called a couple of my closest friends. I first had to reintroduce myself and it took much prodding for them to remember me in the first place. We decided to meet up at an Italian restaurant. So, finally, in the evening after waiting for the person who was going to look after our son, my wife and I hurried out of the house. I say “hurried” as we were not sure how much time we would have before being summoned back by the boss.

It was a hot and humid evening so I was wearing shorts and a t-shirt. As it was a casual restaurant, I was also wearing flip flops. Because of some issues with my feet, I wear flip flops designed by a podiatrist to give arch support to my very flat feet. Any other footwear gives me pain and discomfort. So, as weird as it might sound, the flip flops are very important to me. They once got lost in deep mud in the rainy season at Lower Zambezi National Park and I was in full Rambo mode until I found them. I had to clinically clean myself over three days but I did find my flip flops and it was worth it. 

So there we were sitting at the restaurant and having a good time. It had been a while so I was generous with my intake of alcohol. It was like letting an animal out of the cage after a long time. I had already downed a couple of rounds of drinks and thought it would be a good time to use the restroom so that I did not have to get up in the middle of my meal, which, I absolutely hate. When I sit at the table, I have a habit of folding one foot on to the chair and placing it below my other thigh. I brought my foot down, now riddled with pins and needles and started searching for my flip flop. After a couple minutes of rummaging I still couldn’t find it.

I pushed my chair out and looked under the table. I started to panic and soon was almost on the ground trying to look for my flip flop. Unsurprisingly, this confused everyone at the table. I told my wife that I had lost one shoe. She looked under the table and immediately burst out laughing and soon my friends were laughing too. They told me they had missed my antics.

I was convinced that someone had taken my footwear just to mess with me; once drunk with my friends many silly acts always take place. After a (thorough) interrogation I still couldn’t get anyone to admit to the crime. Following more frantic searching, the waiters and manager got involved. Eventually, other patrons were also looking for my flip flop and simultaneously howling and laughing at me. In my confusion, I realised if this was a prank my friends would’ve given up by now.

In the meantime, I limped to the restroom with one shoe. It was one of the most embarrassing and funniest moments of my life. I kept laughing but I wasn’t sure if it was due to amusement or shame. Every time I walked everyone around had a great time as well. The restaurant should have paid me for entertaining the crowd that night. By the time we settled the bill I didn’t care anymore about losing my footwear. The alcohol probably helped with that.

I decided to leave my flip flop at the restaurant for the footwear monster. I walked out of the restaurant barefoot and walked to my car which was parked out on the street. My wife, my friends and everyone else still around were having a time of their life laughing, I knew this would never get old.

Back home my wife entered the house while I parked. She came hurrying back out of the house and she slowly raised my other flip flop in her hand. She had found it in the house. I called the restaurant; the manager said that he would leave my other flip flop for me to collect at my convenience.

Dooderonomy will resume later, until then, goodbye.

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